Sunday, April 25, 2010
With Out Answers
I would like to apologize a head of time for this post. This blog is a place I write about things happening in my life as well as my art. The happenings of my life effect my art and art effects my life.
My family has suffered a loss. One without answers. I found out yesterday that my cousin took her own life. There was no note, no hints, no words just the loss of her presence in our lives. She left behind a child who will never remember her Mother and to me this is the saddest thing of all. The sadness for this child has a grip on me like one I have never felt before. I know all too well what it is like to have lost a parent before I got a chance to know or remember them. Their spirit lives on in the minds of others but with so many unanswered questions that you are afraid to ask. Asking brings pain to the one who remember.
My poor Mother is a basket case. She has suffered so many losses of late. Dear friends and family alike. Almost too much for her to take. I feel terrible for her and am no comfort to her at all. How does one comfort someone with a loss? I don't think it is possible. Being there seems to be a good thing but useless at the same time. I just know that either way I am numb from the confusion this has left behind. What Courtney left behind. I hope she has found the peace she was seeking. Beatuiful on the outside and fighting on the inside. Left behind love and pain to those who knew her. With out answers.