Friday, November 2, 2012

Home Improvement.

 For most people this phrase means to Upgrade or improve on their homes. For me it has a much deeper meaning. Home as in the whole ball of wax=US! House, heart, body, mind and soul.
 It is something that I have been trying to work on for well over a year now. It isn't a task to be taken on by the weary  but that is exactly why I took it on.
  You see I was feeling since my children left home that I lacked purpose. I had been retired and given my golden watch,my thank you for your service you are no longer needed:(
 It was a feeling of emptiness I can not convey into words but the closest word that comes to mind is totally LOST. Like a drive down a country road that hits a detour and you have no idea where you are going? Yea, that feeling. Almost a panic but not quite.
 I don't know if a single other soul on the planet understands what I am trying to say but this is the closest I can come to explaining it for me.

 So the task at hand is to redefine who I am. Besides a Wife to my wonderful, loving husband. Mother to three beautiful, smart, and amazing kids, Grandmother to one little fox. A friend to as many as possible. After all friends enrich our lives and are the extensions of our families.
 Yet the question still remains? WHO am I? Or better yet, who do I want to become? A better me, That is a much easier question to answer but the solutions are so much work, I mean WORK! UGH
 Okay, so we know what we want to do. It is improve. Much like the house you start with the places that need repair most, right?  The foundation.. That for me meant the soul. I have a direction for that. I just need to practice what I sometimes preach to my Children.
That was easy right? ha ha.. It is a constant redefining moment to moment for me.  I hope I never stop discovering this part of my life and my faith.

Second would be House, I was told once if your life is in chaos look around you! Start from the ground up. Well when your life in in chaos your home often reflects that. I am a disorganized pack rat. I am not dirty but the clutter has taken over. I love to collect pretty things and don't have the room for them.  So the purging has begun.
 When I was helping my Mom recover from open heart surgery I was recovering myself from a serious infection that nearly took  my thumb and my life. A triple deadly cocktail of super germs.  The stress was simply too much for me. I shopped and often bought many items including every magazine on the market I swear.
 I am happy to say i have gotten rid of all those magazines except about 75 of my personal collection. I think that is more then enough for me to enjoy. All stacked neatly and tucked away. The pile I gave away was 15 paper grocery sacks full. In one of those months while mom and I were healing, I had purchased 16 magazines:( I did read them all though.

 I have been working on little things here and there to get rid of all the extra stuff we have and have no need or want of. Improving on what we do have by a deep cleaning here or there, maybe a little paint and rearrangement.
An empty back door closet was the first of my projects. I took everything out and started over. It isn't exactly the same way as Hubs has been in there( :{ but it is still in pretty good shape.
 I will have to snap a picture of the completed closet cause it looks like I deleted that set of pics when I cleaned out the pc a few weeks ago. Still have a lot to do but working on it slowly like everything else.
 To be honest I would rather be slow at this process and get it right, then rush through it and get it wrong. The good thing is no one can define the right or wrong in this for me but ME!
have a wonderful weekend


4 comments:

Diane MacNaughtan * Dianie Mac * said...

I thought this was a wonderful post.
My "nest" went empty eight years ago. I remember that the next 2 years of my life was so difficult. I didnt know where I fit in, who I was or wanted to be. You expressed it well "LOST".
I like your idea of de*cluttering . It makes sense to me.
I know you will get through this, as it is a wonderful chapter of life that awaits you.

sending you a big hug and positive thoughts.

~Diane

Tracy said...

Yeah so you are joining me in my challenge to defunkify our homes.
I am not an empty nester...at time (like today) wish I was, lol.
But after my dad passed away and I didn't have to take care of him any more, I kept everything of his. That and then adding to it, our home became cluttered....hidden clutter, but still clutter.
I want to go through our home and touch every single item, and really think....do I love this, can I live with out it.
I think only until then, will my home be my haven again.

PEA said...

Thank you Diane,
Yes the lost feeling is still here but I am working on it. I do have my art to fill in some of the gaps. Thanks for the encouragement :)
Hugs,Pea

PEA said...

Beautifully written Tracy, I am joining your challenge. I have no choice. well I could burn down the house and start over but it would take too long to remove what I do wish to keep.LOL so not a option.
Touching everything, I like that. There are somethings I am simply stuck with but most is mine to decide and I have decided that some new stuff would be a better option if it is simply "made" new ;)
Haven, yes that is my focus as well.
Hugs my friend
Pea